Why, then, the World's My Oyster

"So wise, so young, they say do never live long." - King Richard III.

I am under the distinct impression that young celebrities should run America. Life would be grand if Lindsay Lohan was president. I imagine cocaine for everyone and jello shots to all who voted her into the oval office. “No Child Left Behind” would be changed to “No Child Left With Underwear” because, these days, underwear is, like, so 1999.

If Paris Hilton was vice-president she would be just the hottest ever. Forget poverty and hunger, everyone would get a Chihuahua to cheer them up. Who needs food? Anorexia is bigger than the hottest sunglasses this season. When President Lohan is out of the office, because of exhaustion or another attempt at rehab, maybe Britney Spears could fill in. Paris wouldn’t be able to do the job because she’ll be preoccupied with being, what’s the word…oh, right--incarcerated. Britney could expand the ideals of family values to the American people.

Only in dreams these idols could rule our country I suppose. Only in dreams they could take time out of their days to stop driving drunk, shaving their heads, and instead do something productive. I could only wish for these “women” to start doing something that young women everywhere could look up to rather than having me, little ole’ me, look down upon. When you have loads of money and “fame” does no one smack you in the face and say “Grow up!”

Speaking of morons, I have recently started watching, and enjoying, The View. That is, of course, till the recent argument between Rosie O’Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselback (I never trust anyone with a last name that begins with ‘Hassel’). I’ll admit it, I liked Rosie on The View. She added a much smarter voice to the panel discussions. Although she weekly said something that got her into the tabloids, the ratings of the boring-old-View went up since Rosie hit the stage.

The show has been on the air for 10 years. In the past 10 years this was the first time I ever saw anyone on that show say anything of importance. A show with five female voices should be able to intelligently argue the hot topics of the day but, no, they didn’t. For 10 years I watched them quarrel over trivial female issues and ridiculous fluffy topics and after a while I simply changed the channel. Rosie O’Donnell is brash and loud, yes, I’ll give you that. Yet, on The View she spoke the truth; a breath of fresh air filled with facts to back up her statements and not just a pretty dress and a smug-cutesy girl attitude. Her argument with Hasselback was valid and passionate. I watched the show when Hasselback continued to call the Iraqi people who have died in the war “terrorists.” Rosie got mad, rightfully, because some of these “terrorists” were merely civilians. In their final fight, Hasselback couldn’t even answer Rosie’s question.

Elisabeth seems to think if you don’t support the war you don’t support the troops—wow—I thought that form of thinking was archaic at best. I thought that kind of idiocy was recognized and frowned upon after Vietnam. This television personality, this voice for the female American, proved me wrong. So if I don’t believe in the war does that make me the enemy? Uh-oh, I'm in trouble then. I won't even get into her views on the morning-after pill, the HPV vaccination, or some of the more idiotic things she's said.

I despise the fact the media latched onto the fight of these two women rather then the content of their fight. Likewise, I wish stupid people wouldn’t always win such heated fights because they’re a cute blonde whose biggest claim to fame was being on Survivor. I’m not saying Rosie is the smartest woman in the world, I just wish there were better female role models for the daughters of today and tomorrow.

It will all be okay though. If we’re lucky, and by the time I have daughters of my own, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan will rule this country. Drink up people, its time for some shots!

~The Lady~