For those who are notfaint of heart, the other day I was in the bathroom and, all of a sudden, I noted the distinct stare of a pair of eyes. I was ashamed, awkward and very worried as I realized whose glowing eyes stared back at me.
No, not Walter Cronkite or K.Stew! Robert, *sigh*, oh Robert. There he was, Robert Pattinson, staring at me in all his "messy" glory. I bought this magazine months ago and it found its way to the bathroom. I've read the articles about 65 times and, somehow, he was the top magazine, in the basket, aside the sink that stared at me whilst I was on the potty. I guess my Dad was interested in Robert's messy affairs, because I haven't brought this mag to the top in a long time.
Regardless, how shamed was I? Robert Pattinson had now seen me and my nether-regions! I would've apologized, if he hadn't been in the form of a magazine picture. Everytime something like this happens, I think of Harry Potter's world where pictures come to life. If that were true, how weird would it be for Robert to be, red-faced and awkward as ever, staring back at me in the loo. I imagined the conversation would go something like this:
Robert (all awkward and British): Oh, uh, sorry, uh, uh, uh, I'll just...(as he turns away).
Me (all awkward and American): Oh my all that is good and glorious!! ROBERT PATTINSON! It is an honor. I love your work.
Robert (trying to not look at my hoo-ha): Well, thanks, uh (runs fingers through his own hair 32 times just to make sure it doesn't look managed). Maybe you should, uh, uh, uh...
Me (realizing I am half-nude and compromised on the potty): OH MY GOSH! Silly me! So, how's your messy love life going?
Robert: Uh, uh, well, uh, (awkward laugh), uh, you know.
Things would end there, I hear Robert is quite shy, and I would awkwardly kiss his picture's face. He would be more awkward, run his hands through his hair 62 more times) and run out of the magazine cover leaving me only with K.Stew. who'd be saying something ridiculous that I'd have to decode later.
If only our magazine covers came to life. Time to get a new magazine. Next up, Taylor Lautner (bow-chica-wow-wow).
To bathroom friends,