Sunday, September 27, 2009

Things I'm Good at...

Thanks to a little training class called "Zumba" I've learned a startling fact about myself...

I can move like Beyonce.


Pause yourself for a moment and think about that.

No, I'm not lying.

In class, I look like Beyonce here. Or is it more like this old lady? Maybe a cross between the two of them.

A woman today in class said "Damn! She can move" referring to me and my hips of wonder. Sure, I don't look like Beyonce, but when she plays a song I love I just can't stop my hips from doing things unmentionable, yet alone done in front of 20 other women. They just move fast-my hips that is. It is quite a wonder, even to myself. I may not be 100% coordinated, or quick, but when the instructor does that move that ladies do in rap videos, well, I can mimic it like no other.

Which brings me to my second talent, I'm a parrot. I can't speak other languages, but when I hear words or phrases I can surely repeat them back in  a perfect accent. No lie.

I can also parrot people. I start to pick up their gestures and nervous ticks and I am able to exaggerate them. No lie. It's probably how I learned to speak & be a smart-ass at a very young age. Comedy-wise, it's been my saving grace for 24 years of life. My parroting has brought many a friend and an enemy. So be it. I am good at it.

So on this glorious Sunday I ask you-what can you do? What makes you unique? Do you have hurricane hips? Are you a mirror to others? Whatever it is, be proud of your accomplishments however seemingly weird they may be.

To hips of fury,

~The Lady~

Monday, September 7, 2009


Summer is over...

Bring on everything that is Autumn.
Back-2-School fun is much different, I imagine, for teachers of gradeschool. As I am a teacher of High School, Back-2-School sounds and feels like the following.
1. The stench of puberty, ie: stinky boys who don't know the word, nor use the product, that is deodorant.

2. The ringing of dirty language and words they wouldn't say in front of their Mamas. Or, maybe they would? Kids these days!
3. The look of depression and angst. God, I've missed that.
4.  The amateur drawings of phallic symbols. Yes. This is my job.
5. The sound of the re-telling of fart jokes. How do I not laugh at them myself?
6. The humming of the excuse machine. "I didn't do my homework because I have my period." "Well, I didn't give you a good grade because I'm PMSing." (I never actually responded like this, but I did get this excuse).
7. The look of the kid who is too cool for school and, for that matter, life.
8. The stench of whiskey being passed in water-bottles.
9. The sight that is the "we don't get your joke" face. Ha ha ha! Anyone? ANYONE? Is this thing on? No? I'm corny? Oh, ok. Well....POP QUIZ! Ha. Joke is on YOU!

10. The sting of being disrespected.

11. The color of money (thank god for paychecks)

12. The sweet taste of accomplishment knowing that someone out there learned and used something you taught them (even if it was about how to take a good prom photo).
I'm too excited to sleep. Which means I'm too excited to get up. Mommy, can I stay home from school?


To a good Autumn & year. Here we go again!
~The Lady~