Sunday, January 10, 2010

Most learnèd judge, a sentence! Come prepare!

"Most learned judge, a sentance! Come prepare!" - Skylock, Merchant of Venice

Certain things get me kind of ill-at-ease. Not knowing where a loved one has gotten to when they don't pick up their phones, the moment right before a grade is revealed, the moment after someone says "we need to talk," and when my gmail inbox reads "Anonymous has left a new comment on your post." For the most part, those who read this blog are people I know. Yet, there are strangers among us. When I read my inbox to find one of these strangers has made contact, there is this moment of realization as if to say "you are not alone...someone is watching." Today's comment particularly left me feeling like I needed to cover up my naked body and run into hiding. I kind of hate anonymous commenting because it feels cheap--dirty even. It suggests I should be open with the public, but someone is lurking outside the bushes watching me and hiding their identity. Rather than whine about these comments, I'm going to do exactly what this commentor has suggested - I'm going to continue to be original.

With that, I am going to pretend that these "Anonymous" comments are from people I know.

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post:
Opulently I assent to but I contemplate the collection should acquire more info than it has.
Dear Professor Sherlockwilloweed *Friendly Museum Curator,
So nice for you to drop by my blog and respond incoherantly to a post that had nothing to do with art or a collection of any sort. Your comment made me use a dictionary mostly because none of what you said had to do with being snowed in (the theme of my post). You must be a hoot to hang out with! I imagine you collect pipes, but never smoke them. Enjoy being boring! 
The Lady

Anonymous has left a new comment on your post:
Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot of creativity and orginiality now keep it up!

Dear Mom,
Sorry this blog sucked early on. I know my earlier work dealt mostly in "drinking" and I imagine that broke your precious Mom-heart. I apologize. Thanks for always hanging my creative work on the fridge. No one believed in my talents more than you that day I brought home a bird house made of uncooked pasta. I will try to keep up the good work, so long as you always reward me in nothing but your honesty & mac n'cheese. You're the, seriously, you are. No, its not me, its you! YOU'RE THE BEST!
Your lady-like daugther

Anonymous has left a new comment:
What do you think? Do I look hot? You can check my pics here!

Dear Tom (My First Kiss),
No. You don't. May I ask, is that a growth or some sort of tumor on your forehead. I don't remember that from grade-school. Whatever it is, it is not hot. T'will never be hot. ((shivver)).

Thanks for sending me such a wonderful comment!
Crying Herself to Sleep,
The Lady
P.S. That computer virus-link was excellent. I <3 computer viruses!

Keeping it real,

The Lady