Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hair Dye My Personality, Please <3

I’m getting the itch to do it. You can’t stop me! I will, inevitably, come to the decision to end all decisions; will I change my hairstyle?
Three weeks ago I was dead set on bangs. I needed them. I pondered over them and I finally got them. I was so excited leading up to the inevitable cut, that I didn’t really think it through. So, now, I have curly bangs. They are alright—not good, not great, just alright. I should be flat-ironing them everyday (thanks, curly hair), but I’m not.

I’m over them.
Nevertheless, there is something in the process of changing hair color & style that makes me giddy. Even if it’s just briefly, the “I’m going to change my hair”and chatting about it with the hairstylist stages are always so much fun. It’s usually 4 or 5 months later, when I’m ready to start the process all over again, that my current hair become drab.

Why the obsession with hair changes? I think it stems from the personas that hairstyles/colors can take on. According to others, short hair makes me look more adult. While some would argue it makes me look more sassy. My long hair takes me back to high school & keeps me feeling young and alive. When I go blonde people are eager to ingeniously point out “Wow, you’re blonde!” Yes, yes I am! Thank you, I almost forgot. Much like Goldielocks sitting it the baby bear's chair & eating his porridge, I think the blonde fits my pinkish skin tone just right! But, that won't stop me. I'm a hair-changing maniac ready to reek havoc on my roots!
I hear two things when I dye my hair dark. One, “You look like your Mom” and two, “You’re pale!” While these aren’t compliments, I am getting to the days in which I wouldn’t mind dealing with the pale-Mom comments. I am going dark. Yes, like a vampire ((cue hissing)).
Why is it I change my hair when I know it looks better a certain way? Boredom. I change it because I want to feel spontaneous, a little stupid and different from myself for a bit. And, lets not tip-toe around the real reason here; I LOVE taking that ever so clever “My New Haircut” picture & posting it on Myspace, Facebook, TwitPic and Flickr! There isn't anything more gratifying then getting compliments on my new hair-do via the web!

Maybe this time, I’ll go RED! We’ll see about that. I might be hair-courageous, but I ain’t stupid!
To those of you who love switching it up all the time (and I don’t mean sexual partners), a toast to you!

~The Lady~

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Wisdom from Grandma Ep.1

The Beautiful Lady & Her Beautiful Readers
I've decided a new portion of this blog will be devoted to beauty tips. Sorry, SamFran. You may want to cover your eyes for this segment. Its not so much that I know everything about beauty its just that a like this stuff...a lot. I will also be devoting some of this blog to health tips I pick up here and there. I realized, I love jewelry, makeup & tips on how to look & feel great. With that, I am venturing into new territory. You will see occasional cameos from the lady herself. Yippee! Regardless, this is a new dawn for this blog. I'm just getting sick of talking about life's little observations & whining. So, some fun stuff, some whining, some celebrity B.S, & some jewelry! Yay for shiny things!
Wisdom from Grandma Episode #1 -
"Vaseline is good for everything that ails ya'" - Grandma Lady
My Grandmother had the best skin ever. She was 82 and looked 65. I attribute this to her "keep it simple, stupid" attitude when it came to beautifying herself. Recently, I've been on the Grandma regime of beautifying myself. And, wonder of wonders, its been working! Damn, Grandma! You were right! Here are some tips my Grandmother used to give me when I was young, naive and really into buying products I saw in Seventeen.
Vaseline: Grandma was dead on (no pun intended as Grandma is, bless her soul, dead) when it came to her use of Vaseline. Vaseline is my go-to drug. If I were an addict of anything it would be Vaseline. To make it even more awesome, the stuff is cheap. It's an easy and accessible drug! I don't really know what Vaseline is supposed to be used for, but here is how I use it to make me look Be-U-T-ful!
Lips -Vaseline ails chapped lips.Want soft lips? Coat the lips in Vaseline, grab an unused toothbrush (or one owned by someone you hate) and brush your lips. Yeah, I said it. Brush your lips for 30 seconds. Wipe off excess Vaseline and BAM! Super soft lips. Vaseline can also give you a brilliant shine with out the $10 lip gloss.
Eyes- No, do not put Vaseline IN your eyes, but Vaseline can help you enhance your eyelashes! Vaseline can give you softer less clumped eyelashes and, in time, help them grow thicker and longer. Dab a thin coating of Vaseline on top of eyelashes before you go to bed. When you're ready to put on mascara you will notice a considerable difference in how smoothly you can apply mascara. Soon, you will see considerable differences in the fullness of your lovely lashes. Need brows to stay in place? Small bit of Vaseline on the brows to keep them looking good. Have a nasty burn post eyebrow waxing? Vaseline does the trick! I don't suggest Vaseline for other more "southern" waxes, but I wouldn't put it past this wonder drug to help.
Makeup- Although I can't say I do this often, I know it works. Run out of lipstick, but happen to have Vaseline & eyeshadow on you (this could happen...who knows?)? Or, do you really like a shade of eyeshadow that would look great as a lipstick? Brush a light dusting of your fave eyeshadow on your lips. Dab Vaseline on top and, voila, you've got yourself a new shade. Beware of some eye shadows with chemicals that make this effect look clumpy. Remember the days when shiny eyeshadow was popular? Well, apply the same directions as for the lips to the eyes and you have that glimmered 1970s look
Remover- Removing makeup can be a bitch, but Vaseline will help you get it off AND (as said above) will help your eyelashes grow!
I don't lie! Vaseline does it all!
Warning: Use Vaseline in small doses. Take it from an addict, too much will make you look like a shiny mess. Also, too much Vaseline can clog the pores so don't go crazy. Everything in moderation my beautiful friends!
Thanks to Grandma,
~The Lady~

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Work it Girl

I'm revamping this bad-boy. Time to make it saucier than usual.

Things that are Funny
1. Sitting near a boss when trying to significantly procrastinate & search the web for bridesmaids dresses. Thank you, life.

2. Being grouped with a co-worker who knows she will be laid off in the Spring. Can you say bitter? Can you say I’ll be doing ALL the work?

3. Having an itchy butt. When is that ever NOT funny? Seriously, why does that happen? It’s not the internal (I know gross, right?), its just the exterior. Maybe it’s these cotton panties? All I know is scratching becomes a series of gyrations in the form of circling the buttocks on the chair. “Check out the freak in the back row! Why is she sitting like that? Why does she look like she’s humping the chair?”

4. Squirrels.

5. Spotting pre-teens who will, in their lifetime, play World of Warcraft, go to a Fluffy Convention and dabble in rejuvenating herbs.
Here are some of those pre-teens now:

6. Spotting people singing in their cars.

7. Being the person spotted singing in the car.

Things I Love
1. Wedding shows, websites, advice columns, blogs, twitter updates, news briefs, doctrines, magna cartas…YOU NAME IT – I will read, look, purchase and enjoy so long as it talks about color schemes and DIY favors. LOVE IT.

2. Gossip mags/blogs. Can’t get enough. Must keep reading about who Robert Pattinson is dating. Must find out where John Gosselin is laying his pipe these days. Must...keep...reading!

3. Twitter. Figuring out how to be clever & encapsulate my day all in 140 characters. It’s too much! Why don’t they make it 150 characters? I’d be REAL clever then!

4. Wawa coffee…24 oz, French Vanilla, splash of French Vanilla creamer, and the rest sugar/skim milk. Oui! Oui! Mon cherie!

5. Google images. This can also go into the “Funny” category. Go to Google images and type in "Owned" or "Funny" or "Ugly." Such simple words produce the funniest and most loveable results! Therein lies my point. LOVE IT!

~The Lady~

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Love Looks Not With the Eyes

Helena:"Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind."
A Midsummer Night's Dream (I, i, 234)

Much like a dieter, my enchantment with the new show More to Love had its ups and downs. One minute, I hated the show and all it stood for. The next minute, I loved every ridiculous second of forced romance & romantic theories that it threw in my face. What is my consensus? It’s ok and I will watch it again next week.

A show where the idea of being “big” and “plus sized” is exploited and worked into every second of the 1 hour Bachelor-esque concept seemed, at first, ridiculous. I couldn’t get over the whining, and I’m allowed to say whining as I am a plus-sized girl, that went on between the chubbettes.

“I’ve never had a date b/c I’m fat.”

“I never went to prom b/c I’m fat.”

“I’ve never had a second date because I’m fat,” said a girl who had clearly not reached the second date mark because of her oversized insanity & not her waistline.

I almost screamed at the T.V. a couple of times. Maybe, these things were closed off to you because you were too busy hating yourself more than anything! Don’t blame the fat—blame yourself!

It’s this type of self-loathing that I’ve never let myself fall prey to. I went to prom, I had awkward hook-ups and dates and I know just as many skinny girls who didn’t for many other reasons aside from their weight. Yet, this is what the show plays on—the insecurities of both big women and small women. You’re insecure, that’s why there were no dates, proms etc. There are millions of us insecure gals out there, just looking for love from guys who, sorry guys, don’t get it.
The point is, More to Love has caught my eye regardless of the overweight complaints. I want these girls to find love with their plus-sized guy. I want them to be happy and, with that, I watched eagerly wondering whom he’ll pick. Plus, the cattiness reigns supreme among the ladies which is always fun to watch.

I also like that fatties are getting a chance on the tube. It is pretty ridiculous that the only people, according to television & movies, that get any action are skinny-minis.

I heard a woman on the news say, "I don't want to watch fat people fall in love," and thusly decided she was a black-hearted cow.

Anyway, I just think we should feel better about ourselves. Look at how beautiful you are and wonder not what makes you repel guys, but what makes guys see you as something sexy!

To quote a somewhat obscure singer, Jesse James, from her song “Blue Jeans,”

“Don’t matter what ya wearin hey hey
Its about the way you wear it hey hey
Don’t matter what ya wearin hey hey
Its about the way ya hey hey
I step in my blue Jeans
Homewreck in my blue jeans
I got it from my momma so im blessed in my
Blue jeans”

Be blessed & feel good,

~The Lady~