Monday, November 12, 2007
A Lean and Hungry Look
"O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick.
Thus with a kiss I die."
-Romeo and Juliet (V, iii, 119-120)
In a couple of weeks I will be saying farewell to my gall-bladder. Not many people even think about their gallbladder. I've had issues with mine since I was 7. We've had a tumultuous relationship one in which I'll never be able to truly forget. After 22 years of pain, ignoring the signs, and then more pain, I will have to go under the knife (very soon) to remove a part of me that doesn't function well (no, not my brain...smart-asses). Although I am fearful of this whole "surgery" thing I will pretend I'm perfectly fine with a nice love-note to my gall-bladder. I would like to give my gall-bladder a proper goodbye. So, in this lovely-ladies' blog, I will send a fond farewell to my bile-storing gall-bladder.
You lousy good for nothing gall-bladder. You've given me trouble since I was seven. You pooped out far before your prime. Yet, something makes me think you and I never had a chance. We never quite clicked. I, with my absolute love of cheese, and you with you inability to process it. How could we ever commit to one another when you just wanted to cause me pain? At a young age, I learned what "pain killers" were and boy did I want to kill the pain in which you caused me. We fought and fought and when you disappeared I was glad you left. I didn't mind when you stopped bothering me with your spasms. I could feel normal again without you getting in the way. I could eat cheese and all sorts of caloric delights, and did for many years, forgetting you were ever once a problem. Then, after a night of Chinese food, you called me up again.
You were there, again, in my life and causing trouble. Why couldn't you even try? Why couldn't we make it work? Maybe, I am partly to blame. I should have put more effort into the relationship. I should have tried as well. I shouldn't have ignored you so much. But, you, you didn't even give me a chance. You came back to hurt me once more and you're making up for the years you were silent.
Now its time to remove you forever. You have made your presence known and in a big way. You've kept me up at night, agonizing, and in tears. Why couldn't you just leave me alone? I will be free of you in a couple of weeks, but just to make sure you don't bother me until then I'm locking my doors and turning off the cellphone. No more fatty foods until you're gone. It's all fiber and veggies to make sure you stay at rest. You can get so violent sometimes and that is why its time to say goodbye. Now, you've left me hungry and hoping not to make you stir.
When the day comes, I hope you don't resist. Take it like a man...or, uh, a gall-bladder and just let go of me gracefully. Thank you for those days in which we got along. Thanks for hanging out with my liver (even when the liver was in party-mode).