Think You I am No Stronger Than My Sex

"Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?
Was ever woman in this humour won?"
--From King Richard III

Suave commercials...not so suave in my book.

Is anyone else disgusted with the new Suave marketing that practically says, to all Mother's who watch T.V., "Hey, you with the 4 kids you look a mess. Do up your hair woman! You's nasty!" Well, atleast something to that affect.

The ads are trying to promote women, who've become mothers, getting back to the sexy way they once were by using Suave's products. The commercial highlites the woman's downfall, how overrun the children make her look, how ugly she gets because she has kids. Each shot shows her getting worse and worse, saggier and saggier, messier and messier, until she's a complete wreck of the once beautiful youth who popped birth control into her mouth faster than a fat kid with a fresh new bag of M & M's. At the end, presto-chango, she uses Suave and remembers to say yes to the once beautiful lady she was.

Its pretty terrbile and I don't buy it Suave!

The poor name of Motherhood is being sullied by Suave in a beautifully crafted marketing scheme that makes Mother's sit back, relax, and feel like they're ugly. Why have they become a messy reflection of a woman? All because of the bastards they birthed.

Sadly, according to USA Today, the ads are working. Women everywhere LOVE feeling like their children have made them ugly and saggy reflections of they way they once were. Just add this to the list of guilt trips Mothers everywhere can now tack on to their unappreciative brats.

Heres some figures I scooped up like the ace reporter that I am:
Suave Survey Says...
Like the ads a lot
All respondents 14%
Ad Track survey average 21%
Male respondents
6%
Female respondents
18%

According to the survey done on USA Today.com, women are responding positively. Well, not this woman! I don't even look at the 6% of the opposite sex who like the commercial. I imagine they are old fat men who still live at home with their Mothers. Otherwise, they are just consumer driven monkeys who, shock of the century, think their wives have gone down the crapper with age and the birthing of their children. You, pig.

(Deep breath, and release)

The marketing geniuses have added, yet another, brilliant tag-line to their well oiled-ugly-Mommy commercial...."Say yes to beautiful without paying the price." Who wouldn't run right out, buy a Suave shampoo, and tell the cashier "I'm saying yes to beautiful...and ITS ON SALE!" when they've simply asked "Paper or plastic?" Who would answer "no" when beautiful came a knockin'? Not one female who was just made to feel ugly, because of the offspring, wouldn't atleast consider getting beautiful off the shelf at a discount.

But why make women feel ugly in the first place? Is it so wrong that a woman shows the war-wounds of a long day as she carries her breast-feeding baby and her toddler? Is it so wrong that after a long day of work, then spending time with the kids, she doesn't have a cute dress on and some makeup? Is it so wrong that, when faced with the decision to spend time with her children, or doll herself up, the Mother chose the children?

People say things were bad in the past for women. Atleast, in the 20s there weren't ads constantly reminding us that we had aged and worried more for the lives of our children then how flat our hair was (mostly because there wasn't the technology to consistently remind us of our faults). Suave, underneath it all, is trying to tell women not to focus so much on their families. Suave is so graciously telling women to take some "me"time. Yet, in the process, I am slightly offended by what the suggest about American women and our culture. Have we become so one-sided that we're either too egotistical to take care of our children, or are we so invovled with the kids that we've become frump-Queens? There is a balance and I've seen it in many of the Mother's I've met.

It really is much easier to be a man. How many commercials are geared to men looking good after they've squeezed a couple watermellons out of their special no-no areas? Oh, wait, they don't have to do that. They sort of just observe the birthing and look damn sexy until they die, right? For men, I guess Axe commercials spout "sex in a bottle" and some commercials scream "hair in a bottle." But, seriously, beyond that? No one calls Dad's ugly, saggy, a sadder image of the man they once were. So, can't we lay off the Mom's?

To my Mother, who has aged gracefully and always chose her children over her makeup bag. To my Mother, who has no wrinkles for her age and worked 40 hours a week but spent afternoons playing games with her children, feeding us, and tucking us in at night. We should applaud women like her, who don't need beauty at discount because the children around her tell her she's beautiful more for her spirit then her well applied lipstick.

Tell your Mom she's beautiful, it'll be more suave then any shampoo or conditioner commerical out there.

~ The Lady (?) ~